Room filled with Strangers
Why is it we are just so ready to sit down and just start talking about all the negative in our day? In this strange room it’s like the worst ones amplify for me to hear and I will be completely enthralled in their life that I start feeling what they feel it’s like I somehow soulfully connect to them and become part of their soul. This rarely occurs if it’s a positive aspect, I have never soulfully connected to someone that just got a job promotion and felt their sunshine so bright beaming with joy and excitement or connected to someone that just got engaged and felt that exciting new love and laughter of happiness. No, it’s always with the one that just found out they have cancer and are devastated confused terrified and numb all at the same time or the one that just had a miscarriage after trying to get pregnant for the last five years feeling blame, guilt, and unworthy trying to find the right words to let her husband down again. Those big bag of lovely everyone is fighting over feelings of heartbreak. Why? Somehow and it’s always been my entire life those strangers will always find me no matter where I am at Walmart, my son’s football game, rodeo, movie theater, public restroom, restaurants, hardware stores, the kid’s school, the locations are endless these strangers have no boundaries, and I am not even safe at my own house if the timing is right. I really wish I could discover why so many pain filled souls search and find me to unload all their burdens and sorrows on to. I used to use the phrase ”Going soul searching” a lot until one day it dawned on me how does one go soul searching if they don’t have a soul? I feel like maybe I don’t have a personal soul just an empty vessel for all the souls that need to have a place to leave their unbearable misery, so they dump it on me to take on kind of like the city dump you take your unwanted material or trash and dump it off of a trailer for a fee. It’s like they dump their scariest worst nightmares on to me and then they get to walk away with relief and a better view of tomorrow. I walk away with a whole new set of blame, guilt, judgement, pain, regret, loneliness, sinking deeper and deeper into this negative charged abyss that I fear one day will swallow me up just to spit me back out to do it all over again. How can I have real relationships with anyone spouse, children, parents, siblings, bosses, or friends. Anyone when I don’t even know it it’s really me present or just one of the many strangers’ coming forward with their feelings because the situation is just right for them. How to know if it’s me that my husband loves or one of many souls that he’s unconsciously triggered. I don’t even know what love is let alone what it’s not. So please if you can help me find the answers on how to separate the lost from the found inside of my head, I would be thankful for the rest of my life.
From the stranger in the room.
